This One

He had a job and didn’t tell me about it for over a month. He packed his things and moved out over a month ago. It’s time to end this and stop laying my heart out for someone that has no intentions on ever reciprocating.

My love is not conditional. I can love him and let him go. I told him this could be our last chance and he’s on his plane off to his job. I am processing this as an absolute. I was able to let him come back in and like every opportunity to lean on faith in us, he walked out.

No one but myself to blame because I am making a choice. I choose to move forward on my own. Just like I chose to be nice. Now be nice to myself. Stop thinking about what could have been a accept what is.

Figure it out chet, you want peace and you deserve it. So does he. This is the reason for cutting off all communication. Now, this is a beginning and there is hope in it. The hope is for a life free of toxic relationships. I can imagine that life it is Achievable, Believable, and Conceivable. The ABC’s of setting goals.

Now, list assets and liabilities. Define ways to assert assets and avoid liabilities. Feeling sorry for myself, is a liability for sure. It leads me to loneliness. Reaching out to him is a liability. I have to remain “blocked” in every way so I can achieve my goal. Acting on my emotions is something I must get a handle on. My assets are courage, I can face this with intent and overcome any emotion that may erupt.

I listed reasons and a more intimate format. I can trust now that my journals are safe from the disregard of another for the time being. This day and these emotions are part of an ongoing process. I am processing my responses more adequately. I am doing all of this for self-preservation.

My final effort will be a complete shutdown of communication. This is it. I’m putting it all right here. I have a new and improved opportunity. I am choosing to make this date count as my official recovery birth day. At 420 am I took my last drink and at 420 pm today I will ceremoniously break the glass and voila 420 takes on another meaning.

My kindness is not to be mistaken as acceptance. I will in time unblock with intent of resolving for a final order of business. I felt sadness and sorrow as I witness you express remorse and regret for something you had yet to solidify. I am writing my own story and this last chance was the tale of love lost to bad decisions.

I was built for this shit.

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